


Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain

by Natalia_lives



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Endverse, M/M, Songfic, The Doors - The End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 23:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14031060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natalia_lives/pseuds/Natalia_lives
Summary: An Endverse fic inspired by The Doors's The End song. Not much action - more like a character study in a way."Cas stayed for a few minutes longer in the bed, watching Dean preparing. As he sat there and looked out at the brightening sky an old poem or song, he didn’t know, came to his mind. It must be a song as he later realised, because he could pair a deep growling voice to it.  It went like this:“The killer awoke before dawnHe put his boots on""





	Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain

The whole day was spent in preparation in Camp Chitaqua. Next day a bigger convoy was about to head out on a longer mission, lead, naturally, by the ‘fearless leader’ Dean Winchester himself. He walked from group to group picked up random guns, checked them, inspected bags. Dean said a few encouraging word to everyone. He might have became almost emotionless and battle weary but he still knew how to value his men, especially if he is about to lead them into certain danger.

Castiel was standing outside the ‘command’ cabin. Leaning against it. With a neutral expression he watched Dean and the men. He was in fact quite sober. When Dean headed out for a longer time, he usually left Cas and Chuck in command. Somehow that two could work together really well. He was actually waiting for Chuck; there were still thing to discuss. To be frank, he wasn’t a big fan of being left in a command position. Maybe once. But not anymore. Then again, he did almost anything for Dean and with Chuck; well with Chuck it was almost ‘ok’ he guessed.

A bit later Chuck appeared, as always, nervously clutching his notepad. He stepped next to Cas and stared too at the men. “I think, this one will go fine.” Despite his often anxious look, Chuck could sound firm and reassuring. Without looking away, Cas just nodded coolly. He had no real opinion anymore. Then Dean came as well with a few others and they all went inside.

 

* * *

 

 

Later on in the evening Cas was back in his cabin. An old lamp was on in one of the corners; barely giving any light. He was standing by his desk and poured himself a drink. Picking up the glass, fully clothed as he was, sat down on his bed, back against the headboard. He slowly raised the glass to his lips, but before tasting it, he inhaled its scent deeply. It was one of his older stuff, made before everything. In the _old world_. He liked to think there was still some decency left in him, not to shoot himself up with something strong and numbing at times like this, but he knew it was also not true. It just wouldn’t be the proper behaviour. So he was just glad for his _angelic heritage_ , having an easier way with dealing addiction and only pulled out the old stuff and drank a bit from that. Slowly he took a sip from it.

The sounds of movements were coming from outside, quiet conversations, campers living they everyday life. Then with a rattling sound the braid curtain opened up and Dean appeared at the door, duffle bag on his shoulder. Without looking up he put it down along the wall and squatted down, inspected it one more time. Only upon finishing it did he look at Cas and nodded him. He stepped to the desk and picked up the bottle. With a silent approval he poured himself as well and made his way to Cas’ bed. Silently he climbed next to the once angel. He turned his head a bit and sideways glanced at Dean. A silent smile played along his lips, and then slowly raised his half empty glass toward the _fearless leader_.

They sat in companionable silence for some time. The things they would both want to talk about were things they didn’t discuss anymore. And there was absolutely no reason and meaning to talk about _worst or best case scenarios_. After it started everyone learned pretty quickly: every moment can be the last and one can never be sure or prepare for it. That’s it.

 

* * *

 

 

Because they both kept their emotions and real feeling under heavy locks their sexual intercourse meant no more, than a recreational activity. In the surface. Deep down it always killed them a bit. Never expressing their feelings, even while having sex, keeping a distance and upholding a “playful” tone.   

The only things left were stolen moments. Like this one. Dean was on his stomach, head lost among the pillows. He dozed off about half an hour ago. Cas was back again, leaning against the headboard. He still needed less sleep than an average human. He could see the sweat drying up on both Dean’s back and on his upper body. Dean. He looked at his face. He sighed sadly. At first, when he slept the _old Dean_ still appeared but now, no. Not anymore. Even in his sleep he looked older and weary. Tired. Cas slowly caressed his face then put his hand on the sleeping man’s shoulder and got lost in his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

There was still an hour before sunrise when Dean woke up. He felt rested and clear headed. Before giving his whole attention to the mission he looked up at Cas from the pillows. Both of their expressions were carefully guarded and neutral, but their eyes… They were filled with many, many unspoken thing. After a long moment Dean was the one to break the connection. He slowly closed his eyes, run his hand through his face and set up. Mind already set at the mission.

Cas stayed for a few minutes longer in the bed, watching Dean preparing. As he sat there and looked out at the brightening sky an old poem or song, he didn’t know, came to his mind. It must be a song as he later realised, because he could pair a deep growling voice to it.  It went like this:

 

_“The killer awoke before dawn_

_He put his boots on_

_He took a face from the ancient gallery_

_And he walked down the hall”_

 

All dressed up and ready Dean picked up his bag and left the cabin. The chosen for the mission were already gathering by the gate. He greeted them. A few short salute, handshakes. He hugged Risa who was also leaving with them.

 

_“He went into the room where his sister lived, and he_

_Paid a visit to his brother, and then he_

_He walked down the hall, and”_

They got into their vehicles and the gates were opened up. The convoy slowly left the camp’s premises.

 

_“And he came to a door_

_And he looked inside”_

Dean’s car was the last one. Before climbing in he stepped to Chuck who was standing by the gate. They exchanged a few last words and hugged each other briskly. Then the _fearless leader_ climbed in and left. The gates slowly closed up again. Chuck took a deep breath stared at his feet. After letting it out he looked up. His eyes found Cas standing in the distance. He nodded toward him then went to his business.

 

_“Father?” “Yes, son?” “I want to kill you”_

_“Mother? I want to…”_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Both the title and the lyrics are from the song 'The End' by The Doors.
> 
> I loved that ep and this song, for oh so many reasons, is one of my all time favorite, I think they pair up just quite well.  
> Thank you for reading! :)


End file.
